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Final Destination: The Ultimate Movie Marathon

Final Destination 5 Poster facebook timeline cover 849 X 312 Final,Destination,PosterSince some people seem to insist that I be an adult and hold down a real job (people are really inconsiderate that way), it’s taken me ages to do this write up, but this UMM was actually done back-to-back with the Twilight one. The UMM rules state that for it to be an actual UMM, there needs to be at least 7 movies to the franchise (the gods forbid that that should ever happen to Twilight), so my elite crack movie watching squad (Tropical Mary, Stygian Mole and the Occult Specialist) and I decided we’d just bend the rules slightly and watch another short franchise, thus bringing the evening’s final movie tally to 10.

By the time we started watching these movies my life was already in jeopardy, and there was a very real chance that my team would tar and feather me. We’d just watched +- 10 hours of stares, and I was really hoping that these movies would redeem me. I’m not sure if they did, but I think they went a long way to easing some of the tension.

The Final Destination franchise, in my opinion, is one that should truly be treasured because there isn’t a single bad movie in it. Yes, some movies are better than others when compared against one another, but on the whole all of them are very watchable and a lot of fun. It’s difficult to decide what sub-genre of horror these movies fall into, since they aren’t really slashers, but the whole idea that Death itself can come after you really puts a fresh twist on things. It’s also a lot of fun to watch just how a string of incredibly convoluted events can end up killing people in some truly horrific ways. Most importantly (and where other movies have long since fallen off the bandwagon), the Final Destination movies have, for more than a decade, introduced audiences to movies with people standing in a triangle on the cover. Not enough movies do that any more, and I think it’s a truly important cinematic event that should be passed on to future generations.

By this point in the evening the idea of any form of critical analysis had long since gone out of the window, so I’ll just give you a brief rundown of each movie, followed by our Twilight-riddled stream of consciousness. Enjoy!

FINAL DESTINATIONFinal Destination

Year of Release: 2000
Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 6.7 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!

Be honest – when you first saw this movie it made you think twice about getting on a plane. Starring a frightfully young Ali Larter, this is the movie that introduced us to the notion that Death might have a rather sick and fiendish plan for us all. Young Alex Brown and his friends are all getting ready for a fun school trip to France on Flight 180 when he has a horrifying vision that the plane will blow up just after take off. No one really believes him, but he and a few others are ejected from the plane for unruly behaviour anyway. Lo and behold, the plane actually does blow up, killing everyone on it.

In what may be Death’s equivalent of Wikileaks, these premonitions do not form part of Death’s ultimate plan – the survivors were never meant to get off the plane. Now, Death is coming for them and plans on getting them back in gruesome (but sometimes also hilarious) ways. Just how long can Alex and company actually cheat death?

  • Dad supports copulation with French bitches.
  • This scene warns us that there may be a slight draft.
  • No hookers in the airport!
  • Kill a Hari Krishna!
  • Death laughs in the face of subtlety.
  • Don’t fart in the bathroom!
  • One should always aspire to do some tittie fucking while flying over Greenland.
  • Behold: the Maltesers of DOOM!!
  • Thank god for pre-911 – Alex would be hung and quartered by the FBI now.
  • Awkward orphans are awkward.
  • Survivor guilt!
  • Freedom! (from life).
  • He’s really not clairvoyant; Death only had a brief chat with him.
  • Cold drafts are apparently Death’s preferred mode of transport.
  • How do you get your toilet water to be that immaculate shade of blue?
  • Behold: the Alsation of impending DOOM!!
  • Mortuary break-ins are such a rush for randy teenagers.
  • Furniture for movie kindly sponsored by Death by Design.
  • Agent Shrek stages a daring coffin drop.
  • Police brutality – the best kind of brutality.
  • Tube monitors are the Devil’s work.
  • Caramelised blood. Sweet, delicious caramelised blood.
  • Death’s a sneaky bastard and willing to let you go slowly.

FINAL DESTINATION 2Final Destination 2

Year of Release: 2003
Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 6.2 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!

In the franchise’s apparent bid to make us afraid to do anything at all, Final Destination 2 takes the terror on the road and presents the viewer with a delightfully horrific pile up on the highway. Remember when that giant log went through the policeman’s car? Yeah, that.

This movie centres on Kimberly, who was beginning a roadtrip with a bunch of her friends when her premonition happened. By backing up traffic, she manages to save a lot of people from the enormous crash, once again setting Death up to take back what it feels rightfully belongs to it.

This movie is the only one in the franchise that has any direct connection to the first film (or is it?), with a still-frightfully young Ali Larter reprising her role as Clear Rivers to help this new bunch of kids escape from Death’s wispy clutches. The movie is also interesting because it examines the consequences of the first one and how the (temporary) survival of the Flight 180 passengers created a ripple effect in Death’s greater design. More bodies, more explosions, and more pigeon-related deaths than you can shake a stick at. What’s not to enjoy?

  • Crazy people are really useful for providing background info into Death’s design.
  • Oh, how I miss a good old VCR.
  • Condoms, whips, and chains are all really useful items to pack for a roadtrip.
  • Irony is all around you, ergo, Death is all around you.
  • Drink pale ale responsibly.
  • Warning lights in cars aren’t really there to tell us anything important.
  • White guys can be totally thug.
  • “Call 180” – The devil got a new number.
  • This police station has a capture and release system in place for witnesses.
  • Back at Stately Wayne suburbia…
  • Hygiene and safety standards – this guy has none.
  • Magnets and microwaves really aren’t compatible.
  • Well done! You just made things much, much worse.
  • Dear God, not my iMac!
  • Remember to evacuate your apartment in a calm and orderly fashion.
  • Remember kids – spaghetti kills.
  • Smoking is healthy if you do it on a treadmill.
  • It must be refreshing when a mental patient WANTS to be there.
  • Clear could still die from 1000 paper cuts.
  • Good luck beating Death, and don’t fuck it up.
  • Find Nemo: Killer Version.
  • All Nitrous, all the time!
  • Terrible: dying after you’ve racked up an enormous dental bill.
  • Welcome to the Crazy and Clothed branch of the FBI.
  • Death sees you when you’re coming. How awkward.
  • Valium: like Smarties, but for adults.
  • Don’t go accusin’ no one that their ass is any less alive than yours.
  • Behold: the ripple effect of DOOM!!
  • Death by Design has a rift that even duct tape can’t fix.
  • Splash the Magical Flying Ambulance.
  • Death has been vanquished and Dawn reveals her rosy bottom to everyone.
  • KABOOM!

FINAL DESTINATION 3Final Destination 3

Year of Release: 2006
Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 5.7 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!

Alright, so we can’t fly anywhere and we can’t drive anywhere. Now, even if we somehow manage to make it to an amusement park, we can’t ride rollercoasters either? Not that I’m a huge fan of rollercoasters (I don’t like going upside down), but I’d at least like to have the option. Oh yeah, and don’t ride on trains. Ever.

This time around we’re following Wendy, who only wanted to spend a fun night out at the amusement park with her friends and boyfriend to celebrate their senior year of high school. Death and his ever-fabulous designers over at Death by Design, however, have a different plan. Wendy’s premonition kicks in just before a rollercoaster ride, showing her in detail that the human spine and metal support columns should never meet one another at high speed. She panics and gets off the rollercoaster, taking several people with her (sadly, boyfriend not included), thus setting in motion a chain of events that means Death and his designers need to put in a little overtime.

The key to survival here will be Wendy’s passion for amateur photography: she took pictures of everyone that night before the rollercoaster derailed, and they seem to hold clues to preventing peoples’ decidedly squelchy ends. Can Wendy and her friend Kevin beat Death and his array of faulty tanning beds, fork lifts gone wild and flying truck engines? Probably not, but it’s boatloads of fun to watch them try.

  • Thank you New Line Cinema.
  • It’s the Rollercoaster of Love!
  • There’s some reckless foreshadowing being thrown around here.
  • Camel toes, duck face and warp speed, oh my!
  • Hydraulic fluid: Gone.
  • Tyres: Gone.
  • Who knew teenagers could fly?
  • Oh wait, they can’t.
  • She whips her hair (and spine) back and forth.
  • Spear tackle a bitch! Bitches love to be spear tackled.
  • Getting a tune-up tan for a funeral is so thoughtful.
  • That’s a good work lamp there.
  • This, on the other hand, is only an average work lamp.
  • Mmmm… delicious fried whore.
  • Death by Design releases its Equality range of murder.
  • Drink pale ale responsibly.
  • There’s so much ‘Merica! going on here it hurts.
  • This guy works for Osama bin Supervisor.
  • Watch out for the overreaction over steer!
  • Wendy’s camera has all the megapixels.
  • Fuck you Ben Franklin!
  • We’re on the love train!
  • OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

THE FINAL DESTINATIONFinal Destination 4

Year of Release: 2009
Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 5 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!

I don’t get why people are so down on this movie. Yes, of all the Final Destination movies it is the weakest. It suffers from being a little over zealous with the CGI (at times going up to Syfy levels) and it was clearly made with 3D in mind because everything just wants to fly out of the TV at you, but it’s by no means a bad movie. Oh right, and it isn’t REALLY The Final Destination, but I guess they couldn’t have known that at the time.

OK, we couldn’t fly anywhere, drive anywhere, or ride on rollercoasters, and this movie also wants us to stop going to races at the speedway. Again, this doesn’t really affect me because I find Formula 1 and that kind of thing boring, but I’d still at least like to have the option.

Death by Design’s out in force again, and this time they’ve set their beady little eyes on Nick. Nick, his girlfriend, and two of their friends, have decided to pass a decidedly American afternoon watching some very American racing surrounded by some very American spectators. Courtesy of the worst pit crew in the world, things go a tad bit awry, several crashes happen, and the entire speedway collapses. Or, at least that’s what’s going to happen according to Nick’s premonition.

Nick and Co., along with several other people, manage to get out before the crash happens, and Death by Design must ride their obsidian unicorns into battle once again. Keep a look out for some KKK-style burnings, a movie theatre on the verge, an over enthusiastic pool pump and the 1001 dangers of standing too close to a chain link fence.

  • Thank you New Line Cinema.
  • It’s like Daytona, bitches!
  • The Nickelback alone should be a clue that bad shit is gonna happen.
  • Oh neo-nazis, you’re really such a lovely crowd.
  • A flaming pancake! A flancake!
  • I’m feeling a little racial tension in that enormous hook and petrol can.
  • Yet more irresponsible pale ale consumption.
  • Absent parenting is the best kind of parenting.
  • Scissors to the face!
  • Gotta love some redneck bottle drinking.
  • Clear Rivers water. Death by Design must be close…
  • Slowest draining pool EVER.
  • There’s nothing more horrifying that explosive ass decompression.
  • It can’t be fun to be flattened by a bath.
  • Death by Design got really greedy in this movie.
  • Death’s Hobo walks amongst us.

FINAL DESTINATION 5Final Destination 5

Year of Release: 2011
Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 5.8 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!

If the 4th movie took the series into a little bit of a dip, then this movie brought the franchise right back on track again. As if to reinforce the lesson we learned in the 2nd movie, if you hadn’t already learned that driving is dangerous, Death by Design is also more than capable of making the bridge you’re driving over collapse right out from underneath you.

In this last movie, we’re going to follow the escapades of Sam, a terrifically talented chef in the making, on his way to a retreat with his co-workers from his day job as a salesman. A leak in the space-time-gruesome-death continuum causes him to have a premonition where the whole bridge they are on completely collapses. This results in people drowning, being crushed by cars, getting impaled, and one unfortunate guy landing up on the wrong end of a vat of molten tar. It’s all rather unpleasant, really.

So Sam panics and gets some people safely off the bridge before the collapse happens. By this stage, Death by Design is getting bloody fed up trying to patch all of these leaks in the Grand Design, so the survivors land up getting killed one-by-one in yet another series of horrifying (and, in one instance, bone breaking) incidents. What I really liked, though, is this movie has a really good twist ending that I really didn’t see coming. I won’t spoil it for you, but if you keep a close watch on the characters throughout the movie you’ll see all the clues. Enjoy!

  • Thank you New Line Cinema (and Warner Bros.)
  • In the end, it’s often salesman against chef.
  • Final Destination continues the franchise’s strict 1 black person per movie quota.
  • Bald really is the new black.
  • Yet another good work lamp. Well done movie.
  • Gymnastics should really be restricted to 9-year-old boys.
  • If he’s bereaved, he must be bereaving. In fact, he’s a bereaver!
  • Stationary theft is deadly.
  • Angst is difficult to pull off if you’re wearing a suit.
  • Angst is a dish best served in jeans and a t-shirt.
  • The fat guy really needs to die – horribly.
  • Laser to the eye!
  • Eyes pop well, especially when you drive over them.
  • These people are just dumb as rocks.
  • Psycho killers are that little bit more serious when they have a skillet.
  • The _ _ _ _ _ _ _ has landed!
  • Token black guy outlasted everyone!
  • Final Destination: Changing movie stereotypes.
  • The black guy survives the horror!
  • Oh wait, I take that back…

FINAL THOUGHTS

After the miserable morning / afternoon / early evening that we spent watching the Twilight movies, these movies were just a complete breath of fresh air. People still weren’t speaking to me, but it was a step up from them threatening to mummify me alive. In a small way, I think these movies went a decent way to saving my life at the hands of a hair-eating Tropical Mary that night, and for that I’m thankful.

Like I said in the beginning of this write up, this is one of the best franchises, in my opinion, that horror has to offer. Whilst it may be purely by virtue of the fact that this franchise has fewer movies in it that many others, there really isn’t a bad one in the bunch. Yes, number four was comparatively weak, but on the whole it still stands up better than many other franchises’ weaker members. They key to these films’ success lies in the fact that they more or less follow a very well thought out system that was laid down in the first movie. They tweak it here and there and the deaths gradually become more gruesome and inventative, and leaves the audience in that fun place where they know exactly what’s going to happen, but you have no clue just how it’s going to happen.

Now, as for the scientific calculations that form an integral part of any UMM night, keeping track of the deaths in the Final Destination movies is a slightly tricky affair. Using a highly scientific and complicated system of spreadsheets, pie charts, clay tablets, and counting on our toes, we settled on a final death count of 499. Breasts were few and far between in this franchise, with a total of only 11. That works out to a death-to-breast ratio of roughly 45.3:1.

When all was said and done, it was nearly 5am and the sugar crash was starting to kick in hard, so it was off to bed for all of us. The next day was spent with a sugar-deprived headache that allowed me some time to reflect on the kinds of friendships that can withstand what I subjected them to on that bright and sunny Good Friday. So long as I promise to have no part in choosing the movies for the next UMM, I think we’re all gonna be friends for a good while yet 🙂

As always, I’m always looking for suggestions for the next UMM, especially for franchises that may be slightly more obscure.

Thanks to everyone for reading, and a big thanks to all those who kept us company through the live tweeting madness of the day!

Until next time 🙂

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Robotropolis

Year of Release: 2011
Genre: Sci-Fi / Action / Horror
IMDB Rating: 3.5 / 10
Level of Awful: Medium
Breast-O-Meter: 0 / 5

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

As any of you who follow me on Twitter may know I’ve been suffering from a terrible craving for a cheesy sci-fi movie lately. Many people suggested Galaxy of Terror, but I couldn’t wait for my copy to arrive (I promise to watch it soon). When I came across Robotropolis I was immediately captivated by its cover with an almost toy-like android and decided to take a chance on it. With below average acting, a wafer thin plot and CGI that lies somewhere between The Asylum and SyFy Originals you really can’t go wrong with this movie. Robotropolis is a b-movie at its finest that’s daft enough to be a very enjoyable 80 minutes but not painful enough that you’d want to wash your brain off with bleach afterwards. It also does gooey body parts remarkably well.

With a limited vocabulary program the robots couldn’t provide a very detailed account of events…

You are watching GNN and reporting live from New Town in the south China Sea is star reporter Christiane Nouveau. New Town is a bustling new city on an island owned solely by MegaNational Industries and this is the first time reporters are being allowed in to film and document the amazing technological developments going on here. While New Town has been built up around an enormous oil refinery the main thing the teams of scientists and groups of cheap labour have managed to accomplish is the development of robots to help out with all the different kinds of labour we humans just don’t feel like doing. This can range from manual labour to raising our children. Of course, what can possibly go wrong when we place our safety and future in the mechanical hands of humanoid constructs incapable of experiencing an emotion?

Flayed human flesh: the latest in robot fashion.

Christiane has been absolutely enthralled with the robots up until this point, thanks in no small part to the fact that they know how to mix a decent cocktail. This opinion and perception changes a little, however, when she’s reporting on a little soccer game where one of the players is a robot. At one point, and seemingly unprovoked, the robot decides to shoot one of the players. After that the robot simply walks off, leaving everyone else utterly baffled as to what just happened. Since the only way to differentiate the robots from one another is by the printing on it that designates their job, it’s gonna be very difficult to find that one particular robot in this big city. Before a decent search can get underway reports start to stream in about robots attacking people. The problem here is the fact that the entire security force is comprised of robots as well…

Human heads pop off with remarkable ease.

I would like to raise the point that, despite the failure of the programmers to stop the robots from going on a blood thirsty rampage in the first place, the robots come with a more serious design flaw. These robots are meant to fulfill basic functions in society such as police, medics, construction workers and the like. Why then do all the robots come with built-in guns, drills, saws and flamethrowers? While this does make the killing spree much easier (and juicier) it would appear that the robots are a little over armed in my humble opinion. While trying to escape from the robots Christiane’s also going to try and keep reporting the news so that her boyfriend can earn himself a nice big pay cheque by dominating the 5pm news. After all, being in a relationship means having to make sacrifices. When the robots learn how to throw helicopters around and leave the humans with no way of getting off the island it’s up to Christiane and the two or three surviving tech junkies to devise a plan to bring the robots down and have them permanently decommissioned.

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

  • Men are always ready for a little girl-on-robot action.
  • Robots are always moving the candy, gum and chips around in shops.
  • Billionaires get to where they are by giving in to boyish whims and fancies.
  • When the robot says ‘halt’, you best halt.
  • The robot revolution will be televised.
  • You don’t need functional satellites to beam footage around the world.
  • Being hunted down by murderous robots isn’t overly different to visiting a Turkish bathhouse.
  • Camera phones have video quality on par with the most sophisticated video cameras.

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Jason X

Year of Release: 2002
Genre: Horror / Sci-Fi
IMDB Rating: 4.3 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!
Breast-O-Meter: 1.5 / 5

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

I’m going to assume that any horror fan and their cat has, at some point, seen Jason X. I myself have seen it two or three times, but it wasn’t until I did a little browse around the internet that I realised just how much some people hate this movie. Now, I’ll admit, I’m not 100% sure I’ve seen all the Friday the 13th movies and if I have I definitely haven’t watched them in sequence, so I get that for the purists out there this movie probably makes you feel like Rob Zombie’s Halloween reboots make me feel. For the rest of us, this is just non-stop fun. It’s stupidly over the top, but the movie knows that and it makes it work for it. For the 3 people out there who haven’t watched this movie, go find it now. You’ll be doing yourself a favour!

The ultimate chemical peel.

Jason’s latest adventure begins in 2010 (so we’re in our old future) and Rowan, our lovely lady doctor, has cottoned on to the idea that this bastard just will not die. She and her team have tried absolutely everything but, given a few minutes to rest up, Jason just sits up and gets going again, so they’ve had to come up with a backup plan. Since he’s too stubborn to die the next best thing to do is freeze him in cryogenic stasis until some new way of killing him can be devised. This would have worked just fine had the military not tried to take Jason to conduct research on his amazing healing abilities, at which point he just kills the entire platoon. Rowan, being a clever female, manages to trick / shoot Jason into the stasis chamber but, when he slices through it, the chemicals leak and the lab goes into containment mode, freezing Rowan along with Jason.

The world needs more robots like this.

Flash forward to the year 2455 and Earth is in a bit of a sorry state. The Blue Marble is nothing more than a giant dust storm completely incapable of supporting life. Humanity, in order to save their collective asses, have moved to another planet, the originally named Earth II. Every now and then they seem to send a little team of people back to the original Earth to dig around and see if they can find anything useful to take back and show off. On this particular little mission the team, headed up by Prof. Lowe, comes across the Crystal Lake research unit where Jason and Rowan have been in a comfortable hibernation for over 400 years. When KM 14, the sexiest computer of them all, tells the team that Rowan can be revived if they move quickly they do an immediate evac to the ship, taking Jason along as well. He’s completely dead, so what harm can he do?

We love premarital sex!

To give credit where credit’s due, Jason will not waver from his little mission to brutally murder anyone and everyone in sight. He didn’t even need the little electronic ants to fix him, he just needed to defrost for a bit before continuing his little rampage. And let’s be honest, rampaging is just more fun on a spaceship. Apart from the usual blood and gore being thrown around my personal favourite part of this movie is KM royally beating the crap out of Jason and then blowing is head clean off his shoulders. I can offer no reasonable explanation why, but it makes me giggle every time. Then of course there’s the total badass that is über Jason after the wee ants use part of the ship to put him back together.

How anyone can fail to see the awesomeness in this movie escapes me, but I suppose it really just depends on what blows your skirt up.

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

  • Ugly bastards don’t like being made to stare at an old blanket.
  • In the future government officials will eventually come to their senses and outlaw hockey.
  • Any woman taken from a cryogenic pod and revived in space is technically single.
  • Women assume that brutal mass murderers are hung like mammoths.
  • Emotions cloud a robot’s ability to work out statistics.
  • Nothing gets a girl a good grade like a bottle of cheap wine and a pair of heavy-duty nipple clamps.

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Earth’s Final Hours

Earth's Final Hours

Year of Release: 2011
Genre: Sci-Fi
IMDB Rating: 4.3 / 10
Level of Awful: Medium
Breast-O-Meter: 0 / 5

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

Just look at that movie poster, it’s like something the Discovery Channel would use to advertise their latest documentary. While I remain sceptical so far as this movie’s educational benefits are concerned I can vouch for the fact that it’s one of the better movies I’ve seen this month. Not better in the sense that it has brilliant actors or deserves awards or anything, but better in that it’s a fun variety of cheese. If you like trashy sci-fi with a few good laughs then you could do far worse than Earth’s Final Hours.

Lovely day for an apocalypse, don’t you think?

What I like about this movie is that it’s very forward thinking in the end of the world department. Realising that black holes are very last season in the whole apocalyptic movie industry the guys behind this one decided to take the end of the world in an entirely different direction. What if the earth was hit, not by a black hole, but a white hole? It’s crazy, I know, but it was just the thing this movie needed to really make it stand out from its competitors; it adds a completely different dynamic to mankind’s absolute destruction. White holes, unlike their more emo counterparts, compress and then expel matter away from themselves. So, rather than the whole earth being compressed and vacuumed up into nothingness, Earth’s Final Hours has a small chunk of compressed matter blow straight through the planet. See? Very forward thinking movie.

Well, that’s slightly unusual…

Now I can hear you all asking, “But James, how would we know if a white hole had blown something right through the Earth?” That, dear reader, is very simple. All you have to do is let a rogue scientist (preferably one who’s trying to evade the US government) loose in a number of fields and let him go about collecting data on the phenomenon. He’ll set up a whole bunch of instruments and satellites to gather any information he can, but ultimately the best way to know when something’s happened is to keep an eye on him. First of all you’ll hear a giant explosion in the sky and the atmosphere will rip open slighty. Now atmospheric rip can obviously be the result of a number of things, so you now need to look at the scientist’s chest. If it is a piece of expelled white hole matter it will find its way to him, blow through his chest and then through the Earth. If this happens, you will know that you are witnessing a genuine apocalypse by way of a white hole.

Green Peace resorted to some weird shit in those desperate days.

By this point you all probably have 1000 different questions, not least being what kind of effect all this would have on the Earth. Well, the thing is, something that compressed and hitting the planet at that speed would not only go straight through but would also exert enough energy to completely halt the planet’s rotation. Not only is this hugely inconvenient because of the effect it would have on daylight savings but it would also result in the complete collapse of the magnetosphere, the layer created by the Earth’s rotation that protects us from solar radiation. All we can hope for in these dark days is that somewhere, somehow, there’s a mad scientist locked in an institution with knowledge of a satellite system that can restart the Earth and a rogue CIA agent and his family who care enough about humanity to help the mad scientist out. Will such a hero answer our desperate call? Watch and be amazed!

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

  • Driving through a big open field is very different to working in Washington DC.
  • You know you’re a good person if you hack into a city’s financial system to save old ladies from being evicted from their houses.
  • Turns out that if you dig straight through the Earth you actually land up in Australia, not China.
  • When a child becomes too old to be sent to his room a parent’s next best option is to send him to prison.
  • Just because the world’s coming to an end doesn’t mean you can’t go visit your aunt.
  • Millions of dollars worth of security devices can easily be bypassed by hiding behind a bin.
  • The lack of computers with floppy disk drives will be mankind’s downfall.

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