Zombie Women of Satan

Year of Release: 2009
Genre:  Horror
IMDB Rating: 3.4 / 10
Level of Awful: High

WHAT ITS ABOUT:

When nobody bothers to make a Wikipedia page for a movie it really tells you something. Zombie Women of Satan is also a misleading title since Satan, like the plot-line, is nowhere to be found.

A travelling group of freaks, headed up by Pervo the Clown, go to a rural farm to take part in a webcast interview to help them gain more followers and make the public aware of their awesome freakishness. Unbeknownest to our little group, however, this same rural farm is also home to a combined cult for women / zombie research laboratory. When the zombie virus is mistakenly added to a bowl of punch women, with breasts flying, are sent on a murderous, cannibalistic rampage that only this little band of circus freaks can stop. To add a little suspense the main kick-ass female of the group, Red Zander, discovers her long-lost sister in amongst the women of the cult. The group must then attempt to save the sister while avoiding the mad doctor, his weird and mad children, his weirdly demented and tied-up wife (or mother, or wife / mother – the movie isn’t really clear on this one), as well as the now-zombified members of this odd little cult.

But never fear, dear viewer: to ensure that the tension of this movie doesn’t all become too much, it is broken up by a good 10 minutes of a midget named Zeus taking a shit in the woods.

THINGS I’VE LEARNED:

• In a world filled with homophobia, the perverted clown and gay cowboy couple will never be allowed to know just how long their love could last.
• When done in the name of science, having sex with a zombie is completely ethical.
• It is also entirely appropriate to show said sex scene with the zombie to your mother (or grandmother, or mother / girlfriend or mother / grandmother / sex slave – again, this is a grey area).
• Daddy issues will lead girls to start and organise cults to get their father’s attention.
• A good zombie research scientist is confident enough in his work to not keep a large supply of guns and bullets on hand.
• Clowns have a really bad aim when armed with a chainsaw.
• Midgets, like bears, really do shit in the woods.
• Before fighting off a pack of zombies, be sure to remove all of the protective armour you happened to have on at the time.

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