Year of Release: 2008
IMDB Rating: 4.2 / 10
Level of Awful: Medium
WHAT IT’S ABOUT:
Now this is how you do a proper b-grade horror movie! Alright acting, alright plot, lots of blood, good creature, a few boob shots and a mad man behind it all. The Death Factory: Bloodletting (quite a mouthful) isn’t at all frightening and there were points where me and my friends were doubled over laughing so hard at some of the things that were going on there were tears rolling down our faces. There’s also a place reserved for us in the seventh circle of hell because of the fact we laughed so much at the ‘simple’ guy in charge of looking after the monster. I’m not the kind of person to make fun of these things but he was just so out of place in amongst the blood and gore that it was just ridiculous. But let me tell you about all the other fun in this movie:
Ana Romero is pissed off, and understandably so: 2 years ago her daughter was taken from her front lawn and brutally murdered. To rub salt in the wound Ana found out how her daughter was killed by finding a video that had been posted on the internet posted on a snuff site. Not content with the police’s inability to track down her daughter’s murderer Ana begins to trade in illegal snuff movies and the like on various sites dedicated to such abominations under the username Massive 9. She develops quite a cult following and is invited to a bloodletting, a live show of an innocent women being tortured along with a group of people who are actively involved in making and distributing films in several different disgusting genres.
Meet the gang: Massive 9, Cock Master, Rubber Love, White Manson, Black Johnson, Gretel, Gretal’s slave Hansel and Slutty Baby, a delightful crowd with varying interests. While they think they’re here to watch a woman, known affectionately as The Object, being tortured in front of them they are actually a part of a religious fanatic’s plan to help God rid the earth of the vile and the detestable. Under the codename of Big Brother he has the entire building under surveillance and a nasty little trick up his sleeve. You see his sister Alexa underwent trials several years earlier in a treatment facility with an experimental drug that was meant to rejuvenate damaged human tissue and cells. What it actually managed to do was turn her into a cannibalistic nutcase with a nice pair of Freddy Kruger knives on her fingers and teeth like the vampires in 30 Days of Night. I only found out that there was a Death Factory 1 after I saw this movie so I can’t comment on whether or not any of this is related to the first movie.
So the scene is set for absolute mayhem and bloodshed as Alexa begins to work her way through this group of society’s degenerates. Thankfully Ana was clever enough to bring a gun (wait until you see how she snuck it in!) but it won’t do her a lot of good when she has to fight off the other people in the group just as much as she needs to defend herself from Alexa. Things start to get interesting when White Manson turns on her and Sid (our ‘simple’ hero who talks like a high-pitched Sid the Sloth) injects her with the same serum that’s used to keep Alexa alive and in her current God-loving and ravenous state. When Ana begins to transform the stage is ready for the ultimate b-horror mutated bitch fight. When all is said and done this movie is a lot of fun, but sadly not for the reasons the director would have liked you to enjoy it.
LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:
- A woman can store a fully loaded gun and another round of bullets in her vagina.
- There is no honour amongst snuff movie makers.
- Women, even when faced with death, will stop to admire a pole and touch it like she was about to perform a strip show.
- Queefing: verb – to use one’s vagina as a purse.
- Chicken wire, when electrocuted, is impossible to break through.
- Ironically you can put a black man that’s involved in white slave trading and a neo-Nazi in a room together and they’ll get along rather well.
- Anaemia = cannibalistic.
- Blessed are the ‘simple’ people for they control the cannibalistic monster.
The Death Factory Bloodletting Trailer
Year of Release: 2008
Genre: Horror / Fantasy
IMDB Rating: 5.1 / 10
Level of Awful: Requires Post-Film Lobotomy
THIS POST CONTAINS STRONG ADULT CONTENT
WHAT IT’S ABOUT:
When a movie’s opening dialogue is “I was born with 7 clits” you know you’re gonna be in for a rough ride. Not only was it rough but this has got to be, by far, the most disturbing and pointless movie that I have ever seen. It’s not awful in the same way that Alien VS Hunter or the Terror Toons Duology were awful. It is awful because there’s nothing to it: it’s not a horror, although it has minor horror elements, it’s not a thriller, it’s not really a fantasy and I wouldn’t even class it as sci-fi. Hell, I wouldn’t even class it as a porn movie. All that this movie aims to be is an excuse to showcase some very, very warped and kinky sex. I’m not a prude by any means but even I feel dirty after watching this movie, although I imagine for some it will become a kind of cult classic. That being said, it will take people with a far stronger stomach than my own to grant it that kind of prestige. There appear to be those that love it and those that hate it, but this blog is about trash and in my opinion Bad Biology ranks as one of the trashiest of the trash. And at The B-Horror Blog, it’s only my opinion that matters 🙂
This piece of cheese has two primary characters that the story revolves around, the first being Jennifer. Jennifer is no ordinary girl. Jennifer was born with seven external clitorises, several more clitorises inside her and, to judge from an internal shot of her vagina that we are shown, possible several Oompa-Loompas. Now all these clitorises and the Oompa-Loompas make Jennifer a very horny woman and, in her own words, she feeds on orgasms in the same way that normal people feed on food. Unfortunately, because of her rare situation, no man has ever been able to satisfy her sexually. I’m not entirely sure how that’s possible because with all of that going on downstairs I imagine a gentle breeze in the right direction would get the job done, but who am I to tamper with the director’s vision? In addition to the clitorises, the Oompa-Loompas and the insanely overactive sex drive, Jennifer’s womb is also overactive, meaning that she gives birth about 2 hours after every sexual encounter she has. Since they developed so quickly the babies are horribly deformed and their mother simply throws them away, believing that they aren’t complete or real. You see Jennifer is apparently a religious person and believes that God’s ultimate plan is to have sex with her and she needs to have all of these other babies in preparation for having His children. I have dubbed this the Unimmaculate Conception and it just means that Jesus is about to get a really screwed-up stepmother…
Where there’s black there’s white, where there’s yin there’s also yang. Where there’s a Jennifer there’s apparently also a Batz, who has a similar problem controlling his nether region. As a baby the doctors managed to cut off Batz’s penis instead of the umbilical cord and, although they managed to re-attach it, it never worked properly and growing up Batz landed up being the only teenage boy who didn’t get an awkward woody. Not content with this situation Batz began injecting his member with a variety of drugs, chemicals and horse Viagra to bring it to life. This plan worked a little too well when his penis became sentient and drug addicted, fighting against Batz if he refuses to give it the drugs or hookers that it wants. Batz now lives in seclusion desperately trying to find a way to control his penis (which is now as tall as he is) and feel what it’s like to experience a regular male orgasm.
Of course the Fates will always intervene in these kind of situations and Jennifer and Batz are brought together one day while Jennifer is doing a (porno) photo shoot for a rapper’s album. Jennifer walks into the bathroom while Batz is having a fight with his penis and instantly knows what it will take to satisfy her never-ending need for sexual release. That night she sneaks back into Batz’s house to find him getting it on with a hooker and is even more convinced this is the man for her when she sees that the hooker’s orgasm lasts for over an hour. Sadly, as with many girls who find the perfect penis, Batz’s man meat decides that it is better off on its own and breaks free and goes off in search of as many naked women as it can find. Jennifer now needs to find the rogue penis if she ever hopes to fulfill her desire to be impregnated by God.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED:
- Girls born with Oompa-Loompas in their vagina should have them removed at an early age to avoid debilitating libidos in later life.
- It’s easy to confuse an umbilical cord for a penis.
- Women always walk around their apartments naked or, at most, covered in a see-through gown.
- When surprised or scared a woman will rip her gown open in an attempt to frighten an intruder with her breasts.
- God is kinky.
- Nobody wants to be near a woman who suffers PMS 7 times more powerfully than a normal woman.
- Horse-strength Viagra brings penises to life. Literally.
- Drug addicted penises are known to go missing for days, returning only when they need another fix.
- A 45-minute orgasm is not a hooker’s best friend.
- You can, in fact, give CPR to a limp penis.
Bad Biology Trailer