Possessed by the Night

Year of Release: 1994
Genre:  Horror / Thriller
IMDB Rating: 3.5 / 10
Level of Awful: Medium

WHAT ITS ABOUT:

Possessed by the Night is a very typical example of trying to have 3 story lines (referred to here as Movie A, B and C) running at the same time whilst only vaguely attempting to connect them. Movie A features horror novel writer Howard Hansen and his constantly near- or completely-naked wife Peggy. Howard is in need of inspiration so, like any good author, goes off in search of inspiration. He finds that inspiration in a pickled cyclops brain demon in a little shop in China Town. And a horny pickled cyclops brain demon at that.

Movie B features Howard’s agent Murray who is pushing to get Howard to complete his new novel. To speed up the process, he hires Carol, the bustiest secretary in town, to help Howard out (since Howard appears to suffer from some unexplained phobia regarding the use of a Pentium 386). The pickled demon comes into play though, apparently turned on by busty Carol, and what follows are a variety of odd sex scenes and a threesome at gun point.

Movie C contains what appears to be a shady gangster, his hired thug, a variety of topless women whose panties are so high they give them an underarm rash and one whiny good girl who wants to marry the hired thug and move away to start a better life. Movie C doesn’t really intersect with Movie A & B, and when the characters are shown in the same location at the same time I’m fairly convinced the director was as surprised as I was.

THINGS I’VE LEARNED:

• Pickled demons have extra immortality.
• Nobody must ever question why the brain in the jar is bubbling and making odd grunting sounds.
• Even when you are an F cup, it is unnecessary to wear a bra of any kind.
• When you have an F cup and are exercising without a bra, it is also best to wear a white T-Shirt.
• T-Shirts for women can be made out of 3 inches of material stretched across them.
• In a pinch, a loaded gun is just as good as a vibrator.
• Eggs and coffee are good for relaxing when a half-naked woman is holding a gun to your face.
• Pickled demons will burst into flames when placed inside a fireplace, even if nothing in the fireplace is actually burning.
• Old Chinese ladies can teleport at will.