Tokyo Gore Police
Year of Release: 2008
Genre: Horror / Action / Sci-Fi
IMDB Rating: 6.1 / 10
Level of Awful: Requires Post-Film Lobotomy
THIS POST CONTAINS STRONG ADULT CONTENT
WHAT IT’S ABOUT:
Few are the times that I am truly lost for words, but this has got to be one of those few times. Clearly the fallout from Hiroshima and Nagasaki had much greater long-term effects than the world initially realised because something is very, VERY wrong in Japan. I’m not scared of gore and I’m not scared of weird shit but if a movie’s gonna have them there has to be some kind of purpose to it. Not here, not here at all. This movie is just under two hours of non-stop blood and guts and boobs and butts. Thankfully I watched it with a good friend of mine so we spent most of the movie in stitches laughing because if I hadn’t I don’t know if I’d would’ve come out alright on the other side. Who the people at IMDB are that think this movie deserves a 6.1 / 10 I don’t know and to show the levels of weird I’m not going to review this movie in the normal 3-pictures-and-text fashion. This is for two reasons: firstly the storyline is too thin to properly write about (near-future Japan, police are privatised, mutants are on the run, one girl one destiny – all there is to it) and I feel a pictorial review best illuminates this movie’s oddest qualities.
In a privatised future, all police dispatchers are required to be slutty blondes who like to dance.
You should always carry an umbrella around in case you decide to cut someone’s arms off. No amount of washing will get blood out of a silk mini kimono.
In the future your fondest memories will be of you and your best friends sitting together for an afternoon performing group mutilation.
The rare and elusive vagigator is a worthy and honourable foe.
Ever been so horny that your penis just blew right off?
I’m just eternally grateful that it turned out to be a laser gun rather than some other kind of ammunition.
For the ultimate fetish enthusiast: The Golden Shower Breathing Chair
LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:
- Don’t visit Japan. EVER.
TOKYO GORE POLICE TRAILER