Year of Release: 2009
Genre: Horror / Sci-Fi / Action
IMDB Rating: 2.7 / 10
Level of Awful: High
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: The B-Horror Blog has its beginnings in multiple episodes of the ever-amazing Mystery Science Theater 3000 and one episode that I have never stopped laughing through is Rick Sloane’s Hobgoblins. In no way do I think that I can match up to the almightiness that was Mike, Servo and (my favourite) Crow but when I heard that a sequel to Hobgoblins had been made it was just too much for me to resist, and I am absolutely blown away. It’s quite something when, before the plot line even kicks in, a movie is trying to accomplish so much: Hobgoblins 2 attempts to be a sequel, a remake and a re-imagining all at the same time. To do one of these things properly is hard enough when you have good material to work with and the new movie can quickly descend into a pile of crap (I’m looking at you Rob Zombie), so you can only imagine what happens when you try to do all 3 with crappy source material. SO MUCH AWFUL! But awful in a good way, the kind you can laugh at and gaze at in wonder.
So what are we working with? Hobgoblins 2 appears to take place after the original movie. Mr McCreedy is locked away in a mental asylum after blowing up the movie studio he worked at as a security guard in an attempt to kill the hobgoblins. Enter Kevin, Kyle, Nick, Amy and Daphne from the first movie (different actors, same outfits) who are now in college. The confusing part is that they never seemed to have met Mr McCreedy despite Kevin working with him in the first movie. I imagine this is the re-imagining part kicking in. The kids appear to be psychology students at whatever college may be around this part of the world and their professor is taking them for a tour of the local insane asylum. Here they are introduced to Mr McCreedy who tells them that if you say the word ‘hobgoblins’ three times the creatures will appear and make your worst fears come true (this appears to be a watered down system that was originally perfected by Bloody Mary). How this popped up in conversation I’m not sure but the kids leave to go home while the busty nurses at the asylum run around drugging the hell out of their patients.
As the patients are put to bed Professor Abernathy, the kids’ lecturer, goes back to his office and tinkers with a new machine that he has built: a mind reading device that projects onto a screen whatever suppressed memories the chair’s occupant may have. This is so that patients with post-traumatic stress disorder can face their fears (apparently). Abernathy is a fool, however, and decides to not heed McCreedy’s Bloody Mary Lite warning and says the word ‘hobgoblins’ 3 times. Out of nowhere the hobgoblins appear (same puppets as the first movie – Rick Sloane must’ve kept them in storage for just this movie) and strap Abernathy into the chair while everything takes on a greenish glow. Driven to insanity, a policeman in questionable shorts who appears to be enjoying his baton a little too much is sent to Kevin’s house to inform him and the others that their professor has gone insane. While this is going on Kevin begins to see the hobgoblins outside his house and begins to worry about his own sanity while still pondering what he should do if the creatures are real (this despite the fact that the same character spent most of the first movie fighting the creatures off). What follows on for a while are rehashes of scenes from the first movie coupled with a few new spins on old concepts from the original. Look out for Fantazia, Kyle’s would-be imaginary killer from the first film, who now plays the owner of a XXX cam site. While not true to the original Fantazia still refuses to dress in anything other than shiny spandex and leopard print (occasionally opting for green jelly / jello down her bra).
Now while Kyle is busy maxing out his credit card on Fantazia Kevin begins to encounter the hobgoblins more and more. Nick and Daphne are quite vacant upstairs so their answer to everything is to either practice rake combat (Nick) or dress in every colour of the rainbow and dance around like a tool (Daphne). Most of the scenes are pulled directly out of the original, rework the original ones slightly or make fun of the original and/or MST3K. My problem with this lies mainly with the characters: in the original, there was a sense that the actors were genuinely incompetent and really didn’t know what they were doing. In this movie you still have actors that are completely incompetent and don’t know what they’re doing but now they’re trying to be even more useless to emulate the original characters and put an 80s spin on it at the same time.
I now fully agree with Mike, Servo and Crow: I think that Rick Sloane officially went for an operation in which they removed his brain and replaced it with rat droppings. It’s the only thing that makes sense and justifies this movie’s existence 🙂 On the up side, I think this is the movie that has taught me the most lessons so far:
LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:
- You can make a machete out of a juice box.
- Hobgoblins are a great therapy aide.
- Mental homes use Thorazine by the gallon.
- Porn sites will steal your soul. Literally.
- The ‘Satan vs Joan of Arc is the voice in my head’ debate is ongoing.
- Rake combat isn’t cool in the 21st century.
- To be smart you need to carry round enormous books at all times.
- Running a mental asylum and playing Theme Hospital are virtually the same thing.
- Lobotomy patients get to keep their frontal lobes in a jar.
- Universities, mental asylums and general hospitals are usually combined in a single building.
- Women who run sex websites want a man that’ll keep their supplies of spandex and leopard print high.
HOBGOBLINS 2 TRAILER