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The Final

Year of Release: 2010
Genre: Horror / Thriller
IMDB Rating: 5.2 / 10
Level of Awful: Surprise!


If Saw and The Strangers were ever to bump into one another one night at a party and have a drunken one-night stand, and that union resulted in the birth of an incredibly angry child, that child would be The Final. After the nightmare that was Monsturd I felt like I needed a movie that stood at least half a chance of being good, and with movies like this it’s always very touch-and-go, so I thought it was a fair challenge. Thankfully I can report that this one doesn’t disappoint. If you’ve ever wondered just how far people will go to get even with those that’ve repeatedly beaten them down, then The Final is a delightfully atmospheric trip to the dark side.

Parts of my brain are dying off just looking at them.

It’s a story as old as time and slasher movies themselves: popular kids making the lives of the unpopular kids an absolute living hell. You can never quite decide which is worse, the male version which involves random beatings or the female equivalent which involves being the cattiest, nastiest bitch out there. As their vapidness and seemingly endless desire to mate increases, the popular kids’ attacks become ever more scathing and horrible, but the tables are about to turn. The unpopular kids have devised a plan to take their dignity back (or, at the very least, torture the hell out of their nemeses). The plan is simple: invite the tormentors to a costume party in the hell-and-back of nowhere, drug the booze and chain them to the floor and one another. From there all that limits you is the imagination and weapons you have at your disposal.

Freaky clown? Check.

With everyone tied up it’s time to get to work. The premise is very simple: the outcasts have no intention of killing their captives; they simply want to make them as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside. Of course, even when you’ve been lured to a house under false pretences, drugged, chained to a floor and woken up to a group of 6 people wearing freaky masks holding guns, there’s always going to be that one smart arse who thinks it’s all a joke. Proving him wrong is a rather simple task: cattle gun to the face and leg. This, however, is only a taste of things to come, and for the rest of the night the captive kids will be subjected to all kinds of brutal torture methods, including a musical use for acupuncture needles and a shaving cream that melts the hair (and skin) right off your face. Most of the torture methods are meant to be ironic and based on both the individual tormentor’s own horrible personality and things that they should’ve learned at school but didn’t because they were too busy bullying the outcasts to pay attention.

I know it’s a rather short review but the movie itself isn’t that involved, it’s just an effective slasher / revenge movie whose point is driven home right at the end during a news report about the captives and their fates at the hands of the outcasts. It’s certainly not light viewing but I do thoroughly recommend  it if you’re in the mood for some creative methods of getting back at the people you don’t like.


  • For safety and strength, bitches always travel in packs of 3.
  • Horror movies provide excellent teaching material for up-and-coming psychopaths.
  • Red meat is for people who don’t care what they look like.
  • Never ask an ex-soldier from the Vietnam War for help in the middle of the night.
  • In the South the only way to get the police to come and help you is to say that black people are robbing a house.


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