11/11/11

111111

Year of Release: 2011
Genre: Horror
IMDB Rating: 2.6 / 10
Level of Awful: High
Breast-O-Meter: 0 /5

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

As someone with siblings, I know how important it is that all children should be dealt with fairly and equally. Because of that, I knew I couldn’t watch 12/12/12 and just ignore its slightly older sibling, hence me suffering through 11/11/11. I will say that this movie isn’t as ludicrously put together as 12/12/12, but oddly enough that isn’t actually a saving grace for this film. Whilst 12/12/12 was so bad that I was reduced to laughing like a crazy person, 11/11/11 is nothing more than an hour-and-a-half of tedium that makes you want to bash your head against the wall. As the Asylum’s answer to 11-11-11 (see how clever they were in making sure the name of the movie was different), this movie combines elements of The Shining, The Omen, Misery, and any number of possessed children films, but sadly does not have the budget or the people with the technical know-how to pull any of it off. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone who may be prone to throwing things at TV sets when a movie becomes frustrating.

Yep, we got demon 'coons...

Yep, we got demon ‘coons…

The Vales are just the most wonderfully dull family you’ve ever met. Jack, the dad, is a professor of something and is moving his family to a new town to take up a job at the local university. Melissa, the mom, is decidedly bland and doesn’t really contribute much to the film outside of her ability to run to things, look shocked, and then run back. Nat, their son, is (partially) mute and doesn’t do an awful lot of talking. Why? I don’t know, but apparently it adds to the suspense and the DOOM! that’s about to rain down on all of us. What the name of the town they’ve moved to is I don’t know either, but as a general warning just don’t go there. Everyone’s a Stepford Paedophile and, somehow, Nat’s the only kid in town, so you can imagine how they’re all flocking to see him…

That's a mighty sharp fence you have there...

That’s a mighty sharp fence you have there…

After the family’s moved in it quickly becomes apparent that they have a little problem: along with the Stepford Paedophiles, they also have a run-of-the-mill Crazy Cat Lady living next door who seems more than a little interested in the fact that Nat will be 11 on the 11th of November 2011. She also seems to be quite free in handing out poisoned lemonade. Then there’s Nat’s Nanny, the poor man’s Megan Fox, who seems to be quite comfortable showing Nat the best way to set a butterfly on fire and how to do malicious damage to private property. Not that Jack notices any of this: he’s too busy hiring nurses to look after his pregnant with pre-eclampsia wife and working at the town’s one-room university. And then there’s all the townsfolk who keep staring through the windows and getting together in the back of the minivan…

Bitch! This isn't The Asylum's best nanny race!

Bitch! This isn’t The Asylum’s best nanny race!

So what has all of this got to do with the price of eggs? The Lord alone knows, but therein seems to lie the problem. It would appear that the entire town’s population of 7 are Satanists, and due to his birth date and some bizarre prophecy I wasn’t paying attention to back in 2011 Nat is going to be Satan’s ticket into our world. Whilst the towns people represent the forces of evil, the Crazy Cat Lady represents the forces of good: if she manages to kill Nat before his birthday, the apparently not so omnipotent Devil can’t take over the world, but if she fails to kill him its all going to get a bit hairy for us down here. It’s all up to Jack to try and save the world and his son, which to be quite frank means that we’re probably all boned. Melissa will contribute to this battle by moaning a lot and occasionally slapping her nurse, but ultimately it all comes down to Nat. Can an 11-year-old partially mute kid with clear anger issues ward off the Devil himself? Which and be underwhelmed to find out!

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

  • Families bond best when they run down an opossum/cat hybrid.
  • Little orange tabby cats can freely change their sex at will.
  • Demon spawn are far more accurate than any pregnancy test on the market.
  • Painting gutters is always easier when you use a hammer.
  • It’s quite common for doctors to drug a woman in early pregnancy up to the eye balls.
  • In their attempts to get new jobs, prospective nannies are more than willing to kill off the competition.
  • Butterflies are highly flammable creatures.
  • Apocalyptic prophecies are now being distributed as children’s books – because it’s never too early to know when the world’s gonna end.
  • Giving a child cereal is a decent punishment for walking around the house with a butcher’s knife.
  • Small-town cults usually hold their meetings in mini vans.
  • Nothing is more powerful than a mother’s drug-addled, demented frenzy.

11/11/11 TRAILER

BUY 11/11/11 AT AMAZON.COM

Posted on March 1, 2013, in Awful Level: High and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. *giggles* I remember watching this (because I remember all those screen shots) but for the life of me can’t remember if I reviewed it (but why wouldn’t I when it’s just so AWESOME???). Dead on mocking of it, friend, dead on!

    • Check your list of movies you turned off after 5 minutes – this isn’t half as memorable as it could of been. I mean really, if you’re gonna make a bad movie, go on and make it REALLY bad!

  2. I thought this would be the Darren Lynn Bousmen flop 11/11/11 not the asylum film. It seems like a film to watch with a group of people to make fun of it…you know like 99% of other asylum pictures.

    • Haven’t actually seen the source material that the Asylum ripped for this one, but it doesn’t sound spectacular either.

      I recommend watching any Asylum movie with friends – watching alone only hurts the soul.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: