Search Engines Gone Wild

This is something I’ve been threatening to do for a while so I figured there’s no time like the present. People find this blog through a variety of means and I’m very grateful to all the other great blogs out there that have posted a link to mine. The most entertaining thing by far, however, is seeing what people type into the likes of Google. I’ve put together a list of some of the entertaining and truly bizarre things that people look for on the internet and, for fun, I’m also going to see if I can guess what review the searches took them to. Prepare for something truly amazing!

  • xxxtreme pig hunt – Pig Hunt
  • asin sexing – No idea.
  • daddy issues sex slave – There are a variety of movies tagged ‘daddy issues’ that this could have led to. Although one must wonder what this person was actually looking for.
  • cock socks for sale – I have no idea and I can’t think of any tag that would suggest I sell such a product.
  • burning breasts horror movie – How do breasts burn?
  • 666 bdsm artwork female satanic sacrifice – Someone clearly likes it dark.
  • campsite cutlery salesman – Hard Ride To Hell. Do people actually do that?
  • captured girls impregnated by inbreds – Bloodlines. I’m going to tell myself that this person was looking for something like Wrong Turn and nothing more.
  • vanessa’s boyfriend handcuffed her and force feeds her a bunch of tacos until she is miserably stuffed – I don’t even want to know.
  • menacing flamingo – I’ve got nothing.
  • naked living with pigs – Pig Hunt. A lot of people seem to have a thing with pigs.
  • tragic boobs – The Evil Woods. Why would you want to see that?
  • asia horror extreme brutale horror killer lesbian sex fight whip.asia – Tokyo Gore Police.
  • busty women+blaxploitation – Black Devil Doll.
  • mills and boons – I find it insulting that someone got here by using that.
  • lightning gay slut – Either Dead Boyz Don’t Scream or Lightning Strikes. Not entirely sure how the two go together.
  • ventriloquist dummy sex – Black Devil Doll. Again, the mind boggles.
  • incontinence in public – I’m sorry, what?
  • sluts on ice – Bikini Girls on Ice. This does sound like it would make a lovely, family friendly performance.
  • horror movie with beavers cheerleading – Andre the Butcher. Are the cheerleaders beavers or do the cheerleaders have beavers?
  • fleshlight horror – Ummm…
  • piles of shit – Monsturd.
  • horror flick vagina crowbar killer – I imagine that context is everything with this one.
  • fat ugly girl wearing thong singing happy birthday – Nope, got nothing for this one either.
  • topless support of hunting – Pig Hunt.
  • forced incontinence – What’s with the incontinence obsession?
  • horror movies about human meat genital – I’m gonna run with Bad Biology through lack of a better idea.
  • horror video vaginal impregnation – Is there any other kind?

But my personal favourite:

  • Softcore masala kissing – The gods alone know. I’m going with an Indian version of the Emmanuelle movies.

So there you have it: some truly amazing things that the internet is being used for everyday. I think that I might turn this into a semi-regular series of posts, so I wait and see what spectacular searches humanity decides to throw at me next 🙂

Posted on January 19, 2012, in Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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