Lightning Strikes

Year of Release: 2009
Genre: Sci-Fi / Horror
IMDB Rating: 3.8 / 10
Level of Awful: Medium
Breast-O-Meter: 0 / 5

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

God bless My Friend The Killer Clown Movie. He has had to star in some really horrible things in his time and I know that sometimes, to make himself feel better, he’ll spend days in bed watching other horrendous movies. He does this to remind himself that he isn’t the only one out there starring in crap to make ends meet; you just have to do what you gotta do. Now, we don’t see one another nearly as often as I’d like, but we quite often phone one another to touch base and see how everything’s going, and he called me right after he’d watched Lightning Strikes. Ironically, while we were on the phone to one another there actually was a fly on my wall, and I imagine what it heard went a little something like this:

“Hello?… Oh hi! How’s it going?” …

“A Syfy movie? You feeling low again?” …

“Shame man. What’s it about?” …

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that? It almost sounded like you said it was a monster that rode on lightning.” …

“Oh! It IS about a monster that rides on lightning…” …

“But the monster also IS lightning and exists in an alternate lightning dimension? You sure you didn’t take something before watching the movie?” …

“No, I’m not accusing you of anything, it just sounds a little far-fetched.” …

“Fair enough, it is a Syfy monster movie.” …

“But that’s not the best part? What the hell else does this thing do?” …

“It can cut cars in two with lightning bolts? And then makes lightning chase after its victims? I see…” …

“I still haven’t heard the best part? I’m almost to frightened to ask…” …

“It’s primary target are the sons of single parents? How does it know if the son is from a broken family?” …

“Don’t get catty with me, it seemed like a perfectly logical question to ask!” …

“I still haven’t heard the best part?” …

“It only goes after the sons of single parents during small town annual pumpkin festivals? How small is this town?” …

“Two roads and four buildings? Yeah, that’s pretty small. Why are they holding a pumpkin festival?” …

“Now why on earth would you hold a pumpkin festival to attract an automobile manufacturing company?” …

“I’m not expecting you to have all the answers, but again it seemed like a perfectly fair question.” …

“But the mayor doesn’t want to take the advice of the storm chasers and local sheriff? Sounds quite stock.” …

“He persists even after half the town’s been fried by the monster? Well, give him points for trying his damnedest to get the factory built. How exactly do our intrepid heroes plan on killing the monster?” …

“Wait wait wait. If you’re struck by the monster and live you can’t be struck again? How’s that gonna help people kill it?” …

“Someone who’s been struck is gonna conduct themselves into its dimension and wage an eternal battle with it to keep it trapped? I’ve bought everything else, so I guess I’ll run with that too….” …

“And then it ends? Oh. Seems a little anti-climatic.” …

“No, I’m not criticising your story-telling techniques. Touchy little clown today aren’t you?” …

“Cool, I’ve gotta run too. We’ll get together soon. Cheers!”…

And that was the conversation. Sounded like a good movie, with just enough Syfy silliness to keep it all going. Might go and pick myself up a copy 😉

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

  • A son’s duty is to be his mom’s date to weddings when she can’t find any other man to accompany her.
  • Obsessions with electricity are kinky.
  • Some people drive all night to get to someone. Storm chasers drive 5 hours to storms that have already happened on a hunch.
  • Boys being cut in half can put a stigma over an entire pumpkin festival.
  • Every man deserves a windmill.
  • Lightning is the sword of the devil.
  • Only stupid mayors evacuate towns and cancel pumpkin festivals.
  • Plan A: Evacuate the town. Plan B: Send everyone down to the pub.

LIGHTNING STRIKES TRAILER

Posted on November 17, 2011, in Awful Level: Medium and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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