Year of Release: 2008
IMDB Rating: 3 / 10
Level of Awful: High
WHAT IT’S ABOUT:
And my love-hate relationship with coulrophobia continues! After watching this I discovered that it’s the brainchild of the same people that came up with Dead Clowns, which helps to explain a lot about this movie. Like Dead Clowns, this movie feels like absolutely nothing is ever going to happen because it drags SO much in places and for its 90-odd minutes of running time five things might actually take place. The acting is pathetically weak (Suzi Lorraine has the approximate acting capability of a plank of wood on an off day) and the whale-song soundtrack that sneaks in every now and then is just daft. To give it credit, and this is something that Dead Clowns didn’t get right, Dissecto the Clown is genuinely frightening. You have absolutely no clue who he is or why he does what he does, but the mask is genuinely scary. Enough of my ramblings though; let’s get on with the story:
Meet Laura, the whiniest and most ineffective heroine b-grade horror has ever seen! Laura’s fresh out the nut house following a few ‘incidents’ stemming from her inability to come to terms with her brother’s death. Laura’s husband Ray decides that the best thing to do now that she’s been discharged, in order for her to get some good rest and help her recovery along, is to take her to a cabin out in the middle of nowhere where there’s no cellphone signal and where several Mormons have recently gone missing. Now Laura, like anyone else in her situation, is still a little bat shit crazy and tends to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. This makes things very difficult for her when she tries to get her husband to believe that Dissecto the Clown was staring into their house just after she got out the shower. In a way this storyline is Movie A and carries on more or less like this until the last half-hour of the movie with Dissecto occasionally popping up to provide some suspense. The major question the movie aims to put in your head is whether Dissecto is real or just a figment of Laura’s one-sandwich-short-of-a-picnic mind…
Movie B, while being a lot less whiny, has a lot less going on in it. All we’re treated to are shots of Dissecto’s cockroach-infested house (I’m not sure if these are meant to play some part in the story because they’re everywhere) where, before torturing his victims, he treats them to various circus tricks. Maybe if someone had laughed they wouldn’t have ended up dead, but such things are out of my hands. It only really gets exciting towards the end of the movie when, after Roy’s been bludgeoned to death, Laura (nicely drugged) manages to run into Dissecto’s house. It’s here that we either learn how strong Dissecto is or how bad Laura’s aim is because, even with sledge hammer in hand, she can’t get him to let her go. We are then dragged through about 20 minutes of Laura pathetically trying to escape from her loose bonds.
To finish off on a good note I would like to give this movie credit for daring to do what even high budget horror movies would never do: have the heroine go looking for the killer fully clothed 🙂
LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:
- The authority of a map is all-encompassing.
- Bin bags are so durable that a person couldn’t escape from one.
- Crazy people get crazy when you discuss crazy.
- Loony bin regulation underwear has greatly improved in the 21st century.
- You should have at least 3 outfit changes during the day.
- People who put bibles in hotel rooms either look like gnomes or elves.
- Corpses in a freezer will remain frozen even if you leave the lid open.
Posted on February 14, 2011, in Awful Level: High and tagged 2008, Bad Movie, brutal, Cannibal, clown, coulrophobia, crazy, Dark past, Dead Clowns, Dissecto, Horror, killer, mormons, murder, murderer, party tricks, Torment, woods. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.