Spiders and Spiders II: Breeding Ground

Year of Release: 2000
Genre: Horror / Sci-Fi
IMDB Rating: 3.6 / 10
Level of Awful: High

 

 

 

Year of Release: 2001
Genre: Horror / Sci-Fi
IMDB Rating: 3 / 10
Level of Awful: High

 

 

 

WHAT THEY’RE ABOUT:

Sometimes a bad idea is just so bad that one movie couldn’t possibly contain it. But appearances can be deceiving: despite having the same underlying concept, level of awful, titles that imply that the one follows on from the other and virtually identical DVD case, these movies, in fact, have nothing to do with one another. Giant spiders are everywhere to be found, but sadly the same is not true of talent or cohesive thought.

The first Spiders film starts in outer space, an apparently new space for research into genetically modified insects. As luck would have it, just when one of the spiders is roaming free, a meteor shower strikes the shuttle, leaving the spiders to escape and forcing the remaining shuttle crew to make a surprisingly good emergency landing back on earth. School reporter Marci and her little team of sidekicks coincidentally happen to be in the middle of the same desert the shuttle crash landed in, and go to investigate.

Having moved the sole survivor of the shuttle crash to a top-secret underground bunker, US government scientists continue to keep an eye on his hideously advancing mutations as the little spiders inside him start to grow. The top-secret bunker is broken into by Marci and co., where they begin to discover the truth behind the experiments that have gone wrong. They must now outwit US agents, outrun giant spiders and make it back to school in time to reveal the truth in its weekly newspaper.

So much for that “plot line”. Spiders II: Breeding Ground takes place on a ship way out in the middle of the ocean. Loving couple Jason and Alex are sailing out on their yacht having a lovely romantic time when a storm appears from nowhere and they lose their sail. Thankfully, Captain Jim Bigelow’s enormous ship just happens to be sailing nearby and he happily picks them up (for dinner) and helps them to a round of mysterious injections that no-one cares to explain.

Meanwhile, on board the ship, Dr. Gerbac and his team of mad scientists are researching the effects of breeding giant spiders. The biggest spider Gerbac keeps as a pet that needs to be fed the odd human corpse to be kept happy, while other semi-alive captives are used as incubators for the spider eggs. Needless to say, experiments like this never quite go according to plan and the spiders, in all their various sizes, escape and begin to hunt down the human population of the ship. John and Alex now need to find a way to safety while John begins to feel the strange effects of the injections that were given to him earlier.

THINGS I’VE LEARNED:

  • Spiders roar really loudly.
  • When enlarged to the size of the White House, spiders actually become quite dainty on their toes and begin to resemble ballerinas.
  • It is quite simply to make a crash landing with a space craft.
  • Spiders don’t feel the effects of zero gravity.
  • Despite having some of the best security in the world, US government bunkers can be easily infiltrated by a group of teenagers so long as they take the lift.
  • Spiders have a lot of rage when it comes to moving vehicles.
  • When hung out of helicopter on a windy night, teenage girls are remarkably accurate with a bazooka.
  • Spiders the size of houses can easily climb up a ship’s stairwell.
  • Carrier liners frequently change size while travelling at sea.
  • Having 10 or so giant spiders on top of a ship will not cause it to sway or tilt in the slightest.
  • Spiders enjoy a good tug-o-war for a live human if the human is also tied to a helicopter.

Posted on December 17, 2010, in Awful Level: High and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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